Gently into the Night
by Terpischore the Whirler
Summary: Akane and Ranma must learn to depend on one another before their greatest challenge yet tears them apart.
1. Default Chapter

I had this story in my mind for ages and would write pieces of it here and there, but never felt it was quite right. Lack of time and never ending homework assignments did not help matters. Anyway, here it is. It's still not quite right, but hey, what story ever is.

I'm sure I'll get some OOC complaints but this is a heavy, terribly sad subject and death brings about all sorts of changes in people. Hopefully, I dealt with the subject with just a little grace and no ham-handedness.But all reviews, complaints, and criticisms are welcome. In fact they are encouraged so please read, hopefully enjoy, and review.

Chapter 1

"I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Saotome, but I don't think she'll make it through the night."

The doctor tried to look the young couple in the eyes but found the task to be much too hard. The young woman that he had come to know well in the last two months sunk into the nearest chair and stared sullenly at the ground. The man wore a similar expression and made no move to comfort his shivering wife.

"Can't something be done?" the man questioned softly, not bothering to look at the doctor.

"I'm afraid not. We've tried everything."

The man gritted his teeth, "There has to be something you haven't tried."

"No, Ranma." The woman had risen from the chair and moved to the incubator, looking at the tiny form inside. "Haven't we asked her to fight long enough? Maybe it's time to let her go."

"Akane?"

"No." The woman's answer was firm and she ignored the desperate look of her husband. She wrapped her arms around herself, looked down at her child, and watched as the infant's shuddering breaths brought tears to her eyes. "She's suffering."

"I'm afraid there is nothing we can do now, Mr. Saotome. The pneumonia has settled into her lungs. Even if there were an antibiotic we neglected to try, I doubt she'd make it through the night." The doctor sighed and silently prayed for the two, whispering that they would not hate him for delivering the message. He turned to leave the couple to their peace before the woman interrupted his departure.

"Dr. Matsushita, can we hold her please?"

He looked at Akane Saotome for a moment. She seemed too young and small to experience such a hardship, but here she was, large watery eyes and that heartbroken look. He wanted to hold her, comfort her, and tell her that there could be life beyond this loss but all he could offer at the moment was to allow her a private goodbye.

"Of course." He moved to the incubator and plucked the weightless child out and placed her in her mother's arms. "Here you go. I'm so sorry, Mrs. Saotome."

She tried to smile with gratitude but a sob came instead. He nodded to her and then to her husband before leaving the room. The man nodded back and then moved to his wife's side while the doctor slowly closed the door behind him.

"Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"This is it, isn't it?"

The room seemed so sterile and cold, the wrong place to grieve and the wrong place to summon up the strength to comfort another. "I think so."

The two looked at their child. Her breathing was labored and she was so pale, but those wide blue eyes, Ranma's eyes, stared up at her parents almost as though she were asking them not to be sad. Akane looked to Ranma and smiled a pitiful, sad half smile, and walked to the only chair in the room. Ranma sat on the floor, placing his head on Akane's lap, and rubbed his daughter's legs, looking at her sweet face.

"Bye, little one," he whispered.

The small family sat together for the night until the tiny spirit slipped away with the setting moon.

o o o o o o o o

_Ranma faced the hospital wall, his hands clenched and his body shaking, while Kasumi rubbed his back gently. Despite her calming influence, Ranma continued to seethe._

"_Everything will be fine, Ranma. You know how strong Akane is. She'll be fine, the baby will be fine."_

"_It's too damn early. She's not due for another two months." he stated through clenched teeth._

_Kasumi continued her gentle soothing, speaking affirmations to Akane's health, the wonders of modern medicine, and reminded him of the strength of his and Akane's love for what seemed to be hours. She wished he would sit in the lobby with the rest of the family so she could look after him and a wailing Soun, but that was Nabiki's responsibility for now. Ranma was too wired, too worried, too angry to be around anyone at the moment. _

"_I need to be in there. They just shoved me out, Kasumi! If something happens and I'm not in there I swear there'll be hell to pay." He pounded his fist into the wall._

"_I know, but you would be in their way. I promise, Akane will be fine." She removed Ranma's hand from the wall and squeezed it warmly. "The two of you have come through worse. This is just another bump in the road."_

"_I hope so."_

_Another round of screams came from the hospital room, but these were louder and more pained than the one's that preceded them. Ranma squeezed his eyes closed and leaned his head against the wall._

"_I can't bear it. I can't listen her scream anymore!" Never, never could he forget Akane's screams and it tore at him to be unable to take her pain away. "I've been listening to her scream for two days now. She can't do this for much longer."_

_One last wretched wail echoed through the hallway, and Kasumi hugged Ranma fiercely, trying to guard both of them from the noise._

_A few minutes later, a doctor appeared from the room, looking fatigued and terribly serious. He wiped his forehead and looked around the hall briefly before finding Ranma, "Mr. Saotome?"_

"_What?" Ranma blinked rapidly and looked prepared to start a battle._

"_Your wife is fine. It was a close call, but she's a strong one."_

_Ranma almost sunk to the ground, his knees no longer able to bear his weight, "She's okay?"_

"_The delivery was difficult. There were a lot of problems, Mr. Saotome. Due to her petite size and the complications, the effort of the delivery nearly killed her. We would have ordered a cesarean if we could have foreseen the problems, but at the time we felt a natural birth would be less stressful on your wife. Regardless, she made it through."_

_Ranma looked at the ground, quickly trying to process the onslaught of information, "The baby?"_

"_You have a daughter Mr. Saotome, however there were complications. She is two months premature and her lungs are not yet fully developed. We're taking care of her now, but you should know that her prognosis is questionable at best."_

"_What are you telling me, Doctor?"_

"_We don't know if she's going to make it."_

"_Is she going to. . ." Ranma stoppe, incapable of finishing the question._

"_We don't know, but for now she is alive and could not be in better hands," the doctor reported, trying to ease the young man's worst fears._

"_Let me see my wife," Ranma demanded._

"_Go ahead, Mr. Saotome, but remember she's weak and very tired."_

_Ranma brushed past the doctor and ran into the hospital room only to find Akane lying still against the bed. His breath hitched in the back of his throat. The doctor had said she was fine, in fact he had stated it more than once, but she lay very still on the bed, looking eerily similar to that dreadful day at Jusenkyo._

"_Akane…"_

"_Ranma," an unknown horse voice answered._

_A nurse stood at the bedside, checking monitors and adjusting the air tube running up Akane's nose. She smiled softly and encouragingly to Ranma, "She's been asking for you for quite a while."_

_Ranma took Akane's hand in both of his and squeezed tightly, "Are you okay?"_

"_Akane shifted her head towards his voice but could not summon the effort to open her eyes, "Is the baby okay? No one will give me a straight answer."_

"_She's okay for now. The doctor said they're taking care of her, but you should rest now."_

"_Can't," she breathed. "Can't until I know the baby is okay."_

_Ranma shifted slightly, "You need to sleep. I'll make sure the baby is taken care of."_

"_No, not until I know."_

_Ranma stiffened, frustrated and worried, "Just go to sleep, Akane, before you go and get yourself even worse off."_

"_I'm fine." Akane attempted to lift her head, desperate for information, but could not. Despite near delirium from exhaustion, she would not sleep till her gnawing worry was answered._

"_You stubborn. . ." Ranma trailed off, biting back a retort that spilled out from worry._

_Akane opened her eyes a sliver, showing a small slice of gold-brown, "You were worried." She spoke the statement, the fact, in her usual habit of reinterpreting much of Ranma's blunt speech._

_Ranma paused and tried to hold back the moistness gathering in his eyes, "Oh Akane, I was so scared!" He buried his head into her pillow and brushed her cheek with a kiss. She returned the gesture with a small brush of her hand._

"_The baby's name is Kaori," Akane stated, seemingly out of nowhere._

_Ranma smiled into the pillow and then whispered into her ear, "We talked about that name before. You know I hated it." Things could not be so bad if Akane's resistant attitude was surfacing._

"_But my Mom once told me that if she ever had another daughter that's what she would have named it." Akane whispered softly before letting her voice, raspy from hours of labor, harden, "Besides I nearly killed myself having our child so I'll name her too."_

"_Kaori it is," Ranma agreed._

"_Will you go check on her please, Ranma?"_

"_In a second, Akane." Akane grunted in protest, but Ranma kissed her lips gently, concern for his child growing in his eyes. "I'm worried sick too, but I don't think the doctors will let me see her now. But I know she'll be all right. She's a Saotome after all."_

o o o o o o o o

_Rori . . ._ .

Akane stared out the window at the thick grayness of the day and felt an intensifying sadness. It was all over now. Her baby was buried this morning, in a burial plot next to her mother, in white casket that seemed to swallow her whole. The whole ordeal, the early birth and fifty hours of labor, the two months of hope that ended in death, and watching her daughter die, was difficult but this was unbearable. Akane looked into the grayness and wondered if there would ever be a shift a second or a half breath that all her thoughts would not be centered on the little figure covered in dirt.

"Akane?"

"Hm?"

"Akane, come away from the window. It's cold." Kasumi commanded softly. "Please, come away and get some warm tea."

"No, thanks."

Kasumi frowned, "Will you talk to me just for a moment. You haven't said a word all day."

"What's there to say?"

"I don't know, but I remember when Mama passed on you, Nabiki, and I talked. We talked about her and the memories we had, and we felt better after."

Akane turned to look at her with old, dull eyes, "This is different."

"Why?"

"Because it hurts too much to talk about it and I can't take anymore. Not today."

Kasumi sighed and bit her lower lip. Never before had there been a wound of Akane's that she could not help mend, but this was beyond her abilities. There were no soothing words this time and no life experience to rely on to provide consolation. For once, Kasumi did not know if the pain could melt away with time or if there would be some possibility for assured happiness.

"I want to make things better for you, Akane, but this time I don't know how."

"This can't be made better." Tears glimmered in Akane's eyes, "Nothing can ever make this better!"

"It won't always hurt this much."

"No more, Kasumi."

"But. . ."

"I know you're trying to help, but this is making it worse." Akane did not want to speak, wanted to stop the sudden flow of words, but something had opened. "Kasumi, right now, all I can think about is how I'm only twenty years old and I can't feel anything but empty. And I'm supposed to go right back to school, back to work, and I don't know how I'm supposed to do that. I've spent the last two months praying and hoping and now I have to start living life again but I don't know how anymore. I want it to stop hurting and I don't know if I could live with myself if it did. It's just too much!" Akane shut her mouth tightly before she admitted to weeping on her bathroom floor.

Kasumi placed an understanding hand on Akane's shoulder, "It's okay. We don't have to talk now, but remember you can heal faster if you don't do it alone."

Akane nodded and digest the words.

"How is Ranma holding up?"

Akane looked down at her black dress and tried to smooth out a few of the wrinkles, "I don't know. We haven't talked about it."

Last she had seen of Ranma, they had been standing next to each other at the burial but did not have the strength to reach out a hand to one another. It was odd how this grief had separated them ever so slightly, but so much had been internalized and to reach out would mean putting herself out into the world again.

"Maybe you should go find him."

"Not now, Kasumi. He'll come if he needs me."

_Liar_.

Kasumi walked up behind Akane and wrapped her arms around her small form. She leaned her head on Akane's shoulder, "Don't shut Ranma out. He loves Rori every bit as much as you. Remember how hekept using her nickname until we called her by it. He needs you, Akane. He always has."

Akane gave a chuckle bitterly, "I thought Ranma was strong enough to handle everything. At least that's what he's told me a thousand times."

"Oh, Akane," Kasumi breathed, "not this. Not this."

"I know, but not now."

"Don't shut him out. Promise me. You two understand all of this better than anybody. You need each other. Promise me."

Akane felt the tears come again, "I promise, but just not today."

"Okay." Kasumi tightened her squeeze as Akane leaned back into her.

The two stayed huddled together for a while, Akane silently crying while Kasumi tried to feed her strength. Kasumi finally loosened her hold to fix the tea, and Akane drank it gratefully, trying to let the focus the warmth of it around her heart.


	2. Chapter 2

And the world ticked slowly on.

One month, eight days, fifteen hours, and twenty-nine minutes were chiseled away at time. Or perhaps it could be measured by the passing of sixty-three martial arts classes taught at the dojo. Or even still it might be measured by phases of the moon, sunsets, blinks, breaths, and other uncountable increments of nonsense.

Ranma preferred the simpler methods, having never been fond of mathematics, but after Rori he seemed to count everything. He counted the number of katas his students performed during class, the number of times Kasumi visited a week, the number of times Soun balled in public, the number of times his father struggled for words around him, and the number of times he caught Akane crying silently so as not to be caught. He continued counting because he could find no other way to handle everything, to handle Akane and the pain. Perhaps counting helped him clock the distance from the time of her death, hoping that with each new second, blink, breath that the hurting would lessen. Until then all he knew to do was to stay in the dojo and keep counting.

_One punch, one kick, and two punches, one double kick. _And so on . . .

And in another place. . . . .

Nabiki bit her lip and concentrated over the pile of bills on her dorm room desk. She abandoned her usual extracurricular campus activity in the past few months, running a secretive gambling ring on campus, and focused completely on making sure all the medical bills were paid. Neither Ranma nor Akane asked her to help with the bills or even mentioned the staggering amount of money they owed to the hospital that their basic insurance did not cover, but she assumed the responsibility. She could not console like Kasumi, weep like her father, gently care for Ranma and Akane like Nodoka, but this she could do with skill.

At first, she spoke to Ukyo and Cologne about running small benefits at their restaurants for the young family. Both Ukyo and Cologne agreed immediately and much of Nerima came to support Ranma and Akane with their money, well wishes, and prayers. Then, she called in some favors from a few of her contacts and asome of the bills were paid without question. Finally, she demanded payment from some outstanding borrowers and paid for some bills out of pocket. This all was just the beginning and as far as Nabiki Tendo was concerned she was far from done. She knew when every last medical bill was paid then she would be able to give what she owed to that little girl.

Nabiki bit her lip and remembered.

"_We want you to be Rori's godmother." _

_Nabiki smirked, "You're kidding right, Ranma?"_

_Ranma looked down at Rori as she slept in the incubator, "Nope."_

"_Let me guess. Akane's idea, right?"_

"_Well, the way Akane and I figured it there were only two choices to be Rori's godmother, you and Kasumi. And Akane said something that made me choose you." _

_Nabiki frowned and looked at Akane questioningly, "What?"_

"_I told Ranma that you may not show it but you take care of the people you love. You just do it a little differently than the rest of us." _

"_Don't let that get out," she quipped while looking down at Rori. The baby continued to sleep, she did that often, but Doctor Matsushita constantly assured them it was a good sign. Nabiki felt the muscles protecting her supposed hard heart wobble a bit and knew it was too late. That tiny, sickly all together wonderful bundle that kept trudging through all the medical problems had gotten to her. _

"_C'mon, Nabiki. Yes or no?" Ranma prompted._

_Nabiki sighed, "She's beautiful. Are you sure I'm not going to screw this up or try to peddle pictures of her for diaper ads or something?"_

"_Your it," Akane smiled, brimming with confidence and waiting for an answer._

Nabiki looked out her window and tried to pretend that the beginnings of a tear were not forming. She took a fist and wiped at her eyes viciously, fidgeted in her chair, twiddled her pencil for a moment, and then with a single-mindedness that only she possessed shifted her focus back to the long list of numbers.

"Life is so damned unfair," she whispered.

And yet elsewhere . . . . . .

Akane looked in the tiny room that had been meant to be Rori's nursery. Her fingers gripped the doorframe before she summoned the courage to step through. She looked regretfully at the room as sunlight filtered through the window and gave the light blue walls a soft glow. The room was already blue when she and Ranma had moved into the apartment, but Nodoka had snuck in while they were at the hospital and with some white paint had highlighted the walls with cottony painted clouds. She nearly cried when Nodoka brought her into the room, thinking now that Rori had something special to come home to she would surely be there soon.

The baby bed sat in the middle of the room still assembled and a stuffed teddy bear, Ranma's old toy, was tucked into the corner of it. A stash of diapers was still packed in the closet. The clothes Soun bought for Rori were stashed in the drawer of the tiny dresser. The silver rattle Nabiki had given as a present; Nabiki insisted her godchild would have the best, sat on top the dresser accumulating dust. The knitted white blanket with blue ribbon Kasumi made, the one Rori had been covered up with in the hospital still rested on top the near empty toy chest.

Akane could not bring herself to sort through Rori's unused belongings. The thought of packingall of it awaymeant for her it would be like admittingRori never existed and all these things and plans never took shape in her mind. Instead, the room became like a monument, the place she came to do her homework only when Ranma was out teaching classes at the dojo. Not that she had to scramble to spend time in the nursery; Ranma was always at the dojo and truthfully she preferred it that way. Her time in this room was private and the last thing she needed was to try to explain to Ranma what she was doing.

Akane sighed, sat on the floor, opened her Literature textbook, and prepared to read. She tried to concentrate on the old poems she was required to read for Monday, but instead stretched and rested on her back, staring up at the clouds painted on the ceiling. She placed a hand on her stomach and remembered how Rori used to kick at all hours, making her restless which always woke Ranma. Usually, they would go to the kitchen, eat sandwiches or Akane's latest odd craving, and talked about future plans, waiting for the latest spell of kicking to stop.

Now, things were so terribly silent.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

Kasumi was the mother. This role had not been one she had chosen, but rather it shifted to her and somehow she accepted it admirably. Not many in Nerima realized it, but behind the mirthful mask Kasumi Tendo was a soldier. Only she could balance her sadness along with the grief of the entire family. Still, memories of Rori's promise for the future, the certainty that the Anything Goes School would continue, and the knowledge of how that little girl could make all of the craziness and bickering in the family disappear with her presence would arrive announced. Sometimes it came while cleaning the dojo, sometimes while sleeping, and at other times while shopping around town. Yet, Kasumi soothed her father, spoke to Akane, and managed to get Ranma to emerge from his internal despair on occasion.

Now, Kasumi was preparing a dinner while Ranma was teaching the beginner martial arts class in the dojo. She checked her watch; it was time for the class to end. She approached the dojo in time to see the last students run out the door and Ranma straightening things.

"Ranma?"

He lifted his head, "Hey, Kasumi. What's up?"

"Are you staying for dinner?"

"Sure," he answered, continuing to clean things up.

Kasumi bit her lip and considered before asking the next question, "Is Akane going to be coming?"

"Doubt it."

"She hasn't come to dinner in a while."

"Nope," he agreed.

"Why not?"

Ranma paused from his cleaning and frowned, "I guess she's busy with college. You know, homework and stuff."

"Oh. I was hoping we could all have dinner together tonight." Kasumi frowned.

"Don't hold your breath," Ranma finished, clapping his hands together to wipe the dust from them. "She's been really busy with school and paying the bills."

Kasumi closed her eyes and sighed, "Is she eating at home?"

"I guess. I don't know. Why?"

"She's lost weight. Haven't you noticed?"

Ranma was puzzled, "No."

And for one moment, Kasumi lost all patience, "Then open your eyes, Ranma." Kasumi turned away and took a few steps out of the dojo before returning. "Dinner will be ready in five minutes."

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

_Saying goodbye is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell._

Akane read Emily Dickenson's words in her Literature textbook and smirked bitterly, "You don't say." She remained on the floor of the nursery, sitting with her legs crossed, and a pencil in her right hand. The test was soon, too soon with the concentration she had lately, but she would do fine. She always did.

The front door of the apartment creaked and Ranma stepped through across the threshold, "I'm home, Akane. I brought some takeout for you."

Akane checked her watch, "Shit." She had lost track of time and there was no chance now to slither out the room unnoticed.

"Where are you?"

Akane heard the keys hit the counter; the sound seemed to echo in her chest. She closed the textbook and backed against the wall. He walked around the cramped living room, scanning his surrounding and waiting for some noise. He frowned at the light coming from the nursery and walked down the short hallway.

"Akane?"

"Here, Ranma," she answered weakly.

His head popped into the room, "What're you doing in here?"

"Studying."

"Why here?" She shrugged in response. "Well, get up. I brought you food."

"Not hungry."

Ranma eyed her, "Looks like you could use a study break."

"I'll be out in a second."

Ranma turned away for a moment and lulled, thinking there must be more to say. Something else should be said since Kasumi had hinted around as much this afternoon, but he never chose the right words. He knew with Akane sometimes the right glance, touch, or word could make all the difference, but since Rori their words were perfunctory and few. Their tongues froze and minds dulled when in proximity of each other.

Ranma turned back, "You know I can pack this stuff up if you want. I can make it into a study for you or something."

The world tilted and the edges of her vision blurred into a pastel edge. Ranma blended into the wall for a moment and Akane thought for an instant that tears gave the room the sudden surrealism, but there was no salty sting to the illusory edge.

"You're kidding right?"

"Whatever you want," he mumbled.

"You want to pack it all up?" She bit down on her lip, hard, "You think you can just pack it all away? Forget? Is that what you want?"

"No, Akane. I just thought. . . ."

"Maybe this is easier for you, Ranma, but it's not for me."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

Ranma wrung his hands, "I just wanted to help."

"By packing it all away. That's going to fix everything?"

"No!"

"Then what?"

"I don't know." He scowled and tried to find something to express his good intentions, but nothing came. "Damn it, Akane. Why've you got to make this so difficult?"

"Because things don't just get better if you pack it away. I can't just get over it like you can."

"That's what you really think?"

Akane sighed, defeated, "I don't know what to think." She stood up, dropping the textbook from her lap, and swept past Ranma and out the door.

"Where are you going?"

Akane walked down the hall and then grabbed her coat from the hook by the front door, "Out."

"Why?"

"I need a second to breathe. I can't do that here." She opened the door and looked at Ranma. He was angry, confused, and possibly a bit concerned. Funny, she had not seen him concerned for her in ages.

Ranma's firm hand slammed the door shut, "If you're going to go eat first."

"Not hungry." Akane batted his hand out of the way, opened the door, and stormed down the sidewalk.

"And you're getting too damn skinny," he yelled out the door.

"I thought I was a gorilla," she yelled, continuing her march away from him.

Ranma slammed the door and fumed, "That went well."

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

_Too soon after the wake and funeral, four days, Akane kept her promise to Kasumi. She approached the bed she shared with Ranma and placed her hand on his shoulder._

"_Ranma?"_

"_What?"_

"_Can we talk?"_

"'_Bout what?"_

"_Everything that's happened." _

"_What am I supposed to say? It's happened and we can't change that." He did not take the trouble to roll over and look at her._

_Akane looked out the window as dusk set into the evening, trying again to reword her request, "I've been talking to Kasumi and she said a lot of couples who lose children get divorced. I don't want that, Ranma. I want to talk."_

"_We'll be fine."_

_Since the funeral, Ranma buried himself in the art. Soun suspended classes at the dojo for two weeks and Ranma began to wake early, meditate, practice, and train until the sun began to set. The answers and peace were always found in the art. As far as he was concerned, no talking or crying could heal his focus and heart like martial arts and he was in no condition to try and heal a splintered Akane. The stubborn girl would find her own way with or without his help._

"_You don't know that," she whispered. She curled up to his form in the bed, placing her head at his neck. Clinging to him tightly, she hoped he would say something that would help her mend or at the least put a piece of her fractured world together._

"_I don't work like you do, Akane. Your way isn't mine." His voice was cold, uncaring, cruel._

_She drew back from him and disappeared further into herself. In the tick and tock of that second, she created a realm inside her to house the thoughts, feelings, and dead hopes for Rori that Ranma refused to hear. If he preferred to find comfort in the art instead of her, then that was the way it would have to be. _

_She pulled a hand up and rested it on her chest, unconsciously making Ranma's words correct. In that moment, Akane's path became very separate from Ranma._

"_Oh. Well never mind then."_

Akane remembered the moment from the bench of Nerima's town park. It was dark and only an occasional laughter from a child or a meandering couple broke the silence. She liked it here. Being in the apartment was crowding; the air was stale. It made her lungs ache. Here, the world was open and she allowed things to touch her, to affect her.

Everywhere else well meaning people asked if she was okay or spouted "I'm sorry's" as though they had personal blame in Rori's death. Even Shampoo and Ukyo tried to comfort her in their awkward assurances and occasional food gifts. Neither forgot Akane's clumsiness in the kitchen and used the knowledge to try to bring consolation to her. Others tried to comfort her, telling her that there would be other children, and others that did not know what to say and acted nervous around her, afraid their words might bring sadness or worse tears. Some handled it by chattering endlessly while others waited before speaking, believing they chose the just right words.

But at home, it was all the time quiet.

After the terrible exchange of words, Ranma had spoken to her very little and she had no words to offer to him. The routine they established in their first year of marriage stuck and carried them through the past month. It was surprising how well they functioned without speaking or even really looking at one another. She could never tell Ranma, but Rori's eyes were his eyes, and looking at them stung.

In the hospital, she held Rori scores of times. Rori always focused on her with bright eyes and had a face so full of expression. Each smile, frown, pacified, content, upset face she made, even the look of pain she sometime wore, were blessings. Now, Ranma's eyes beckoned memories of those lost miracles. And only after the death could Akane know that each moment and expression of her child was a miracle.

In the world of now, Akane knew she was consumed by the lost miracle. So much so that she now lived at variance with the rest of the waking, living world.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

Soun, Nodoka, Genma, and Kasumi ate together at least once a week. Soun's home, just a few years back brimmed with noise and chaos, but most of the occupants had moved out. Ranma and Akane moved after they married, Nabiki moved to a private college dorm, and Genma moved into Nodoka's home but still visited daily to escape the relatively new constancy of his wife.

Tonight Nodoka made the gyoza meal and always shared in the cooking duties with Kasumi. The two women developed a bond while making the weekly meals, something that Kasumi only now realized she needed. This new friendship made her realize how singular the life she had become accustomed to was, and now the two of them often went to shop or eat out.

In typical fashion, Soun and Genma had been drinking sake since the early evening and were now feeling quite warm and reminiscent. They recounted their adventures training under Happosai and exaggerated most of their stories. Nodoka cast a knowing glance towards Kasumi over her cup of tea and grinned.

"Kasumi," Nodoka interrupted Genma from another truth-stretching tale and brought up a subject she felt needed to be discussed with the entire family, "have you spoken to Akane lately? I've been a bit worried over her."

"I've tried, but she's been quiet the last few days."

"Have you tried talking to her, Soun?"

Soun choked on his cup of sake and teared up, "I don't know how to talk to her anymore."

"Maybe you could talk to her about losing Kimiko. You can connect with her over that." Nodoka suggested.

Soun sunk his head to the table and balled, "So much loss in the family! I can't bear it!"

"It's okay, Dad," Kasumi placed an arm around his shoulder.

Nodoka changed tacts, "Truthfully, Ranma isn't doing much better. He's totally buried himself in the art."

"What else do you suggest he do, Nodoka? He's handling it just as he should." Genma chimed in.

"He could spend a little more time helping Akane grieve."

"Akane isn't reaching out to Ranma either," Kasumi added fairly.

"Akane and Ranma will heal. That's the way life works. The real issue is when they will produce another heir to the school."

Nodoka frowned heavily, "You've had too much to drink, Genma. You aren't thinking before you speak." Her words came thickly, more of a warning than a reprimand.

Genma's face reddened, "At least we can be thankful it wasn't a son."

Kasumi gasped, Nodoka used her thumb to lift the hilt of the sword that was always at her side, and Soun stopped whimpering. He lifted his head and looked into the eyes of his old friend. His back straightened and he had the old self-possessing look in his eyes he wore before his wife's death left him a husk of his former self.

"Enough, Saotome! My Kimiko delivered me three daughters that were more valuable to me than any son could have been. You forget Akane, my daughter, was the heir to the school and if it weren't for her you and Ranma would still be wandering around China. When she graduates college, she will teach as many classes as Ranma and will manage the dojo as well. If you want to enter this household again, then you will do well to remember that."

Genma sputtered under Nodoka's death glare and Soun's words, "Forgive me. I did not mean that. Like Nodoka said, I've had too much to drink."

The room was silent then and everyone blinked at the passing moment.

Nodoka smiled apologetically and continued, "So how do we help Ranma and Akane?"

"I've tried everything I know to do," Kasumi confessed. "I don't know what to do next."

Soun grimaced and looked Nodoka in the eye, "We can't do anything. We can offer an ear to listen and sympathy whenever they need it, but they have to learn how to heal themselves. None of us know what it's like to lose a child, especially a child like Rori. She was a special one."

"That's all we can do, Dad?"

With a confidence he seldom possessed Soun answered, "That's all we can do."

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o _

Ranma sat on their old couch with his head in his hands. That conversation werethe most real words he had with Akane in some time. Sure, they had wooden conversations about the classes at the dojo, the bills, how Akane's classes were going, but none of it was real.

Now things were just so bad. He knew Akane struggled to keep it together but there was so little he could do. It seemed he had enough trouble staying asleep before the nightmares came. Those wretched dreams in which for a second he thought Rori was alive and healthy only to have to see her close her eyes and never reopen them. Then the throat constricting guilt would come. Each night he could feel it press on his sternum, crushing his muscles and ribs until breathing was impossible.

He should have been able to do something. Once he had saved Akane from the verge of death with his own hands when the odds were less stacked in his favor, but he could not save Rori even when there was no monster, kidnapper, or martial arts rival threatening her. For the first time ever he cursed his complete focus on the martial arts and wished he had spent more time honing his brain so he could give the doctors information or advice that could have saved her life. He knew it was ridiculous and that there was nothing he could have done, but the nagging guilt clung to him like the smell of ash.

Somewhere from the depths of the guilt and cocoon of emotion he knew things were going terribly wrong between him and Akane. A small part of him wanted to reach out to her but he had no energy anymore and talking to her, really opening up and talking to her, took more effort than he could muster. Honestly, he was not sure if she wanted to speak to him. Today's blow up was a likely testament to that. Still, things had not always been like this.

_Akane at the door of the Tendo-Saotome dojo and looked near tears. Ranma had not spotted her yet, too caught up in his daily exercises. She smiled lightly, forgetting about the news she needed to tell him. She loved it when he was so intense, so singularly focused on his present task. That intensity only shifted between the martial arts and in the last few months in their more private moments she had discovered that intensity was for her as well. _

"_Ranma?"_

_Ranma stopped in mid kick and turned to grin at her, "Hey, Akane. What's up?"_

_Akane stepped into the dojo and looked into his eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but instead took a big gulp of air and swallowed. She clenched her fists and looked down at the floor._

"_Is everything okay?" _

_She looked back up as her breath hitched in her throat. The news was burning in her brain and she wondered briefly if it were possible for all her synapses to fire at once. _

"_Hey," Ranma coaxed, rubbing his hands along her arms, "what's going on? You're not hurt are you?"_

_Akane shook her head, "No. Nothing like that, but there's something I need to tell you. Something big."_

"_Well what is it?"_

"_Promise me that no matter what things will be okay."_

"_What?" A jolt of uncertainty trickled through his veins._

"_Promise."_

"_What in the hell are you talking about?"_

_Akane stepped back, set a firm face, and extended her hand, "Promise, Ranma." When he narrowed his eyes at her, she grabbed his hand and made him shake hands to seal the one sided pact._

"_Fine."_

"_I'm pregnant," Akane blurted._

"_Huh?"_

"_Pregnant."_

_Ranma stared at a corner of the dojo, right over Akane's shoulder. He appeared stunned and Akane shook him a bit before looking over her shoulder to see what he could possibly be staring at. _

"_Ranma?" This was not the reaction she had hoped for._

_Ranma sunk to the floor, rather clumsily, and sat there for a moment before muttering, "How?"_

_Akane frowned and rolled her eyes. Of all the questions to ask! "Well, if the doctor was right about the conception date then it was probably the night the family went out to eat and we decided to stay here and practice at the dojo. I was trying to work on my speed and you came behind me and started kissing my neck. Then you nibbled my ear and put your hand . . ."_

"_That's not what I meant," Ranma cried, embarrassed and blushing furiously while interrupting Akane's tirade. "It's just that we've only been married for five months."_

_Akane sighed and sat on the floor with Ranma, "I'm not even two months pregnant yet, but we've been . . .", she paused, uncomfortably, "well you know, a lot lately and we haven't exactly kept track of things." _

_Ranma frowned deeply and wondered why it was difficult to talk about these things even after things were going so well in the bedroom. Sure, at first things had been awkward and a lot of blushing, embarrassment, and humiliation followed the earliest attempts, but both had been surprised at how quickly they took to making love. Akane told him she thought there was something beautiful in their ability to learn and make mistakestogether and now, there was a union between the two that made their love life more than a physically satisfying act. Making love was something that connected and sustained them even if they could not bring themselves to talk about it._

"_I know, but. . ." he trailed off._

"_But what? No matter what you think about this or whether we're ready or not I'm pregnant. I can't change that."_

"_I don't know what to say and anything I do say is just gonna make you mad." _

_Akane rose from the ground and turned away from him sharply, "This wasn't how I imagined this." She took angry strides to the door._

_Ranma followed her and blocked the doorway, "I just need some time to think."_

"_Think all you want!" Akane tried to move past him but his he held out a hand that made her pause._

"_We need to talk."_

"_Talk about what? I'm pregnant, Ranma! We can talk till we're blue, but that's not going to change anything! I'm pregnant and you're upset about it."_

"_I'm not upset," he ground out._

"_Then what do you call it?"_

"_I don't know."_

_Akane sighed and dropped her head, "This baby is going to come. I know it's going to delay some of our plans, but I'm going to finish college and you'll keep teaching at the dojo. We're just going to have to change some things." Akane took his hand and pressed it tightly to her stomach. "This is our baby, yours and mine. And it's going to be hard but I'm going to make it work. Maybe you'll be happy about it later." She released his hand and walked out of the door of the dojo._

_Ranma watched her walk out the door and stood as though he had roots in the wooden dojo floor. That second, the one where his hand pressed into Akane's flat but soft stomach, he realized that something was growing inside her. Something that would be part of him and Akane that was developing and would have its own signature heartbeat. He would have a son or daughter._

"_Akane," Ranma yelled, running out the dojo door and scanning the street to find her._

_He recognized her white summer dress; he loved her in that dress, and assumed she wore it for the occasion. She was crying by now he was certain and probably in no mood to speak to him._

"_Akane!" He grabbed her arm from behind and hugged her to him. "I'm sorry. It's just happening so fast, but we'll figure it out."_

_She had been crying; there were tear stains all over her face. She pushed him away and tilted her chin defiantly._

"_You're not just saying that are you?" She tried to remain angry, but that was difficult when he was using his thumb to wipe away the wetness on her cheeks._

"_No. I just needed a few seconds to realize what this all meant."_

"_And what does it mean exactly?" she chided, still doubtful._

"_We're starting a family. Sooner than we thought, but it's going to work out."_

_She smiled, "That's what I was trying to tell you."_

_He put his arm around her shoulders and steered her back towards the dojo, "Is it a boy or girl?"_

"_To early to tell, but the doctor did tell me that I could count on morning sickness, cravings, and mood swings that you'll have to deal with," she teased._

"_Great," Ranma deadpanned, "something to look forward to."_

And the next seven months were spent planning and constructing dreams for their child. He loved when the talked late at night, over old take-out food, and laughed while preparing for Rori. He did not even realized how many dreams he built in his mind until Rori died, making all those dreams little more than castles in the air. With his daughter and his dreams of teaching her the basics of the art with more love and caring than his father could manage gone, there was an emptiness that kept growing.

He would have sworn she would survive. Akane had only been twenty-seven weeks pregnant, but many babies born that early survived. For a while he and Akane thought they would be able to take her home, but the pneumonia came on a few days later and slowly took her away from them.

Nowadays, without Rori to connect them there was nothing. They slept side by side but could not touch one another even to intertwine fingers underneath the blanket. He knew sometimes both he and Akane would find ways to avoid one another; working out long hours at the dojo, studying through dinner, and on and on. He knew his marriage lost its rhythm, its symmetry, but for this second there was nothing to be done and no way to fix the expanding emptiness.

Nothing.

_x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x _

It's been forever since I've updated and I hate taking eons to do so, but I'm busy with work and grad school. I'm trying to take my time and write a good story, but this takes some research and a lot of patience. I promise I will finish the story, hopefully with as few grammatical errors as possible, but updates may be slow. I assure you there's a method to my madness and that I know exactly where the story is going but I won't update until I make sure the readers are not reading absolute drivel. I hope this story is worth the space it's taking up and that people enjoy it. I know it's not the usual Ranma ½ fic, but this story keeps demanding to be told. So enjoy and please review if you feel moved. I hate begging for reviews but I do love and adore them so.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Grass had begun to sprout through the dirt in front of her tombstone. A little over four months passed since Akane watched the dirt shoveled away from the firm ground to make room for Rori's casket. It surprised her how quickly the fresh dirt around Rori's tombstone began to assimilate into its former appearance despite the feeling the last four months dragged along. Rather than focusing on the inconsequentials, she shifted her attention back to the tombstone.

Rori Saotome

_Sleep, my little one, sleep_

Strange how her daughter's nickname had been permanently etched in stone rather than her full name, Kaori. She supposed it began with Ranma's insistence on shortening her name until no one other name than Rori seemed appropriate for her.

"_Her name's Rori, Akane," Ranma spoke plainly. "That's what I'm calling her."_

_Akane folded her arms and looked skeptical, "Funny, but I seem to remember agreeing to the name Kaori."_

"_I told you I hated that name."_

"_And I told you that Kaori was the name I wanted."_

"_But that name doesn't suit her." Ranma looked down at the babe in the incubator fondly, "She's not a Kaori."_

"_So Rori's her nickname? Where did you come up with that?"_

"_Took the last syllable of her name and added an R," Ranma shoved his hands into is pants pocket and answered as though his reasoning were obvious._

"_Why an R? There's a lot of other letters, Ranma."_

_He grinned cheekily, "It's the first letter of my name."_

She fought it. She stressed Rori's birth name to all the family members, but all efforts were in vain. In just a few days, everyone called her Rori and eventually she buckled, admitting that the nickname fit. Ranma merely grinned and told her he knew she would come around.

Even when Rori was still in neonatal intensive care there was much celebration and happiness among the family. No one truly believed that death could take the little creature they all had fallen in love with. After all, her eyes were large and bright, she kicked like a true Saotome, she curled and thrashed her fists like a Tendo, and unlike most infants she could focus her large blue eyes on everyone that held and spoke to her.

Even four months later, Akane could remember every detail of her child. She remembered Rori's sweet powdery smell, the almost invisible downy hair upon her head, the way her eyes crinkled when she slept, the way her tiny transparent fingers would curl around Ranma's much larger hand, her fragile skin, and the small noises she made in her sleep. It was all still in her mind's eye, a bittersweet imprint on her retinas. She would not trade the images and memories for the moon even though they pressed on her brain at all hours.

"I miss you," she whispered to the tombstone.

"How are you, Akane?"

Akane started and looked behind her. Ryoga stood there, looking sheepish at having caught her in a private moment.

"I didn't mean to interrupt, but I saw you here."

"So you've heard?"

"Yeah." Ryoga took another step, putting a hand on hand on her shoulder and turned his gaze to the white tombstone, "So what was she like?"

"Perfect," Akane began but added as an afterthought, "except for her lungs."

"I wish I could have seen her."

"I forgot that I was still pregnant the last time you saw me."

"I was told she was beautiful."

"Who told you?"

"Ukyo. She said that Rori had Ranma's eyes but that it looked like she just might have your smile."

"I never thought that she looked much like either of us."

Ryoga sighed, "So how are you really?"

"It's been hard, Ryoga." The wind ruffled her hair and she tucked the wisps of it behind her ear.

"You can tell me if you want."

Akane looked at him, relieved, "Honestly, I carried her for almost seven months but I still feel like I'm carrying her. Except now she's on my back and it's so heavy, Ryoga, but I don't want the feeling to go away because it's the memories that weigh so much." She stopped, embarrassed at having said so much, "But I bet that sounds weird doesn't it?"

"No," he replied gently. "It doesn't sound weird at all."

It was quiet for a while and the two of them stared at the tombstone. Ryoga was worried for her, she could feel it, but he was not pushing her.

"I'm sorry, Akane."

"Why?" Akane wondered.

"For not being here when it was important."

"You're here now. That's what counts." Akane looked at him, "Thanks."

"For what?"

"Listening," she answered with tears in her eyes.

"Akane," Ryoga breathed, none too gently, "how is Ranma handling it?"

Akane's tears fell upon the flattened dirt, "I don't know."

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

"Come on, guys. The move isn't that hard."

Ranma frowned as he watched his students try to master a newer and more challenging move; most of them were failing miserably. He watched as Roka, one of the more promising in the bunch of youngsters, was struggling the most.

"Roka," Ranma snapped, "pay attention to your center of balance."

The boy hung his head at the sharp voice and looked thoroughly ashamed of himself. Roka grit his teeth and concentrated on finding his center before attempting the move again only to end up on the floor. The boy failed to look Ranma in the eye and Ranma felt a momentary sense of guilt. He reached a hand down to the boy and pulled him up from the dojo floor.

"It's okay, Roka. Just try it again."

Ranma moved on down the line of students and mentally chastised himself for being so hard on them. They were not to blame for his foul mood. That could be attributed directly to Akane and the ridiculous argument they had that morning. He barely remembered what the argument was about, but it seemed like the petty little arguments were becoming more frequent with each passing day. Ranma almost wished for some of the big blow up arguments they use to have before they got married. At least those had some flair and passion behind them. These quarrels were little more than irrelevant spats that equaled out to nothing.

He wished. . . .

"Class dismissed," Ranma yelled.

"But Sensei, it isn't time," a young girl spoke up.

"It is for today," Ranma said firmly. "We'll start the same time tomorrow."

The students filed out the dojo door, avoiding any eye contact with Ranma. He watched them leave and when everyone was gone he sunk to the floorboards and put his head in his hands. There was a constant pounding that seemed to hub at the back of his head, but that was the very least of his concerns. He hated when this happened.

_When it gets too much . . ._

It happened occasionally when he ran entirely out of the energy and concentration needed to walk and talk at the same time. Most days he held his own, but some days he pushed throughout the sunlit hours to maintain his mental and physical equilibrium but sometimes there was no steam left. Times when he felt as though his insides were folded in two and that every part of him had been numbed by cold water.

_I hate weakness._

Kasumi entered the dojo, "Ranma?" She had heard general griping from the students as they shuffled past the front of the Tendo home and went to the dojo to check on things. Ranma was there, in the middle of the dojo floor, sitting and staring into something that was seen only by his own eyes.

"Ranma," Kasumi knelt by his side, "you're shaking."

He looked at her and then rubbed his eyes, "Guess I pushed a little hard. I need some sleep."

"Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine, Kasumi." She looked doubtful. "Really."

"Then go home."

"What about the mess?"

"I'll clean it up. This is your last class for the day so just go home and take a nap."

"Alright."

Ranma stood, a bit unsteady for a moment, and then smiled at Kasumi, "Don't worry. I'm fine." He waved, ignoring her looks of concern. Just before reaching the dojo door he hesitated, "Kasumi, please don't tell Akane about this." He knew Akane too had similar days, but she kept going to school, working, pushing through, and he could never let her see his own emotional debility.

Kasumi nodded and watched him with sharp eyes for any other cracks in his armor, but she knew if there was any weakness he would never let her find it. At the first available alley, Ranma squashed his head against a brick wall and breathed deeply. He concentrated on his heartbeat, half to center his whirling thoughts and half to steady the beat's palpations.

_One, two, three, four, five . . . . ._

And so on

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

"Just give her a trim and then style it a bit," Nabiki commanded to the hairstylist whose scissors teetered precariously near Akane's bangs. "Don't worry, Sis. This is just what you need."

"I don't know."

"You haven't had a haircut in ages. Besides it's on me."

It had been months since she had even thought about getting hair cut and now it hung slightly past her shoulders. After everything, she wondered why she had been so fussy about maintaining a specific hairstyle; it all seemed so silly now.

Akane gave in to her sister and grinned slightly, "Thanks."

And that was all the payment Nabiki needed. Akane smiled rarely after Rori's birth, still the smiles came in random spurts and it was always pleasant to see. Nabiki then rolled her eyes and smirked at herself. Looked as though Rori's death had changed her as well; never before had Nabiki Tendo accepted anything other than money as reimbursement.

"She still gets to me, even now," Nabiki whispered, laughing at her softness before turning her attention back to Akane and the hairstylist.

The hairstylist began snipping at Akane's hair, looking supremely confident in her unspoken plan. She complimented Akane's hair multiple times, commenting on its thickness, bounce, and color between trying to make casual conversation.

"So you're married?" the stylist asked, more out of an obligation than actual interest.

"Yeah. Over a year now."

"Any kids?"

Nabiki cringed and Akane blinked once. Then there was a beeping noise, a large hair dryer shutting off, that sounded similar the heart monitor Rori had been attached to for two months. Then the feeling came, the other worldliness that made her world as firm as cotton candy and then the questions.

_Am I really a mother?_

_Did she live long enough to make me a mother?_

"No. I don't have any kids," she heard herself respond.

_None living._

"You haven't been married long. You have plenty of time for that."

_If I were meant to be a mother she would have lived wouldn't she?_

"Are you okay?"

_What did I do wrong?_

_If I did things right she would have lived, wouldn't she?_

"Akane?"

_Why do I feel so . . . . unfinished?_

"Mrs. Saotome?"

And the return to the tangible world came, "Huh?"

"You alright, Akane?"

"I'm fine Nabiki. I was just thinking."

_Why do the littlest things do this to me?_

With each shear of the scissors, the questions kept coming.

_When will this stop?_

_Why won't this stop?_

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

Akane set the dinner table with plastic plates even though they were only having sandwiches for dinner. Most of their dinners were nothing more than takeout or simple meals since Akane could barely scrape together a meal and Ranma did not have the patience for cooking. It was a hard fast rule at the beginning of their marriage that no matter how simple the meal was the two of them would set the table and eat together as if they were dining on a gourmet meal.

"The table is set."

Ranma turned away from the cabinet and only needed two steps to get to the table due to their tiny, overcrowded apartment. He tossed a sandwich onto her plate and the two of them began to eat in silence. Akane frowned. She did not expect any conversation, but she did assume that Ranma would notice her haircut.

Her hair was now cut in a chin length bob that was much more modern than her last hairdo. The hairstylist had convinced her to keep growing her bangs out and she looked a bit different without the thick hair resting on her forehead. At the very least, different enough for Ranma to comment on it, but he sat in his chair avoiding any attempt at formulating words.

"I got my hair cut today," she blurted into the thick silence.

"I didn't notice." He looked at her for a second, "Looks nice." His answer was flippant, meaningless, but he needed to say something.

"You couldn't care less about what my hair looks like. Don't say something you don't mean."

"It's hair, Akane."

"Well it's my hair," she responded, annoyed. "You could care a little bit."

"It's hair," he repeated.

"Well, we all can't have that braid."

Ranma understood that tone and knew he needed to steer the conversation into calmer waters before a useless quarrel began, "Ukyo said Ryoga is back in town."

"I know."

"How?"

"I saw him the other day. We talked a bit."

"Where?"

"The cemetery."

"He went with you to the cemetery?" Ranma could not pinpoint why this bothered him, but he could not deny the growing irritation especially since her fingers were drumming against the table, hard. He knew it had nothing to do with jealousy, that was a different sensation entirely, but the thought of Ryoga at his daughter's grave was wrong.

"No. You know how he is with direction. He was walking and found me there."

"What did you talk about?"

"He just asked how everything was going."

"What did you tell him?"

"I answered his questions."

She was being vague on purpose.

"Stop it."

"What?"

"Trying to make me mad."

"I'm not," she responded.

"Then why won't you just answer my questions?"

"I answered them," she hissed. "Why am I getting the tenth degree?"

Ranma finished off his sandwich, "This is stupid."

Akane looked disgustedly at her turkey sandwich and pushed the plate away, "Yup." She stood up from the table and stretched before walking into the living room.

"Aren't you gonna finish that?"

"Lost my appetite. That happens when I have to listen to such sparkling conversation." Akane plopped on the couch and opened her business textbook and began taking notes, ready to properly ignore him for the rest of the evening.

And while Ranma fixed himself a second sandwich, silence retook its hold on the home.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

Time kept ticking and soon it was Kasumi's birthday. The Tendo household was full of people, streamers, balloons, presents, and food thanks to Nodoka's planning. Surprisingly, Nodoka convinced Soun to take part in the birthday preparations, perhaps to help him out of his latest funk or to simply give him an opportunity to thank his eldest for her years of subtle service in his household. Kasumi greeted the surprise party with tears. It was almost too much to see old friends from high school, her family, old family friends, and the Saotomes.

"I don't deserve this," Kasumi whispered.

"No, my dear," Nodoka admonished, "you deserve much more." She kissed Kasumi on the cheek and led her into the hullabaloo.

All around the house people were chatting, eating, running; so much so that many partygoers stretched into the dojo. Genma and Happosai ensured that sake and other wine and liquors would be at the party. Happosai was sneaking around, trying to catch glimpses up skirts while Genma was keeping quiet in the corner with his cup of sake. Ukyo and Ryoga were in a corner, reliving past stories and laughing. Kuno was at the snack table attempting to impress a girl with his Shakespearean vernacular and Nabiki was trying to coerce someone to pay up on a past debt. Soun was laughing with an old friend and Nodoka took to rearranging the gift table. Mousse was uselessly flirting with Shampoo even as she was trying to cheer Ranma out of his mood.

"Ranma, want food?" Shampoo asked.

"Not hungry."

"You sure? I make ramen for you."

"That's okay."

"Then come dance. Maybe will cheer you up."

"I don't dance," he answered, scanning the area of the dojo that had been suddenly designated as a dance floor. He watched as Hiroshi utilized his lack of rhythm to impress Yuka and Sayuri as Daisuke laughed.

"You want punch?"

Ranma looked at her expectant face and gave her a trace of a smile, "Sure. That'd be nice." Shampoo bounced away quickly, followed at her heels by Mousse, and ran to the refreshment table. Ranma rolled his eyes. Once could call Shampoo many things but no one could ever deny that the girl was persistent.

Ranma never enjoyed large crowds and felt at odds when there was a need to socialize with many people at once. Just another characteristic formed out of his nomadic childhood with Genma, but his mother had persuaded him to come. It was a party for Kasumi after all. Akane had mentioned the party to Ranma and having felt she done her part made no effort to entice him to come. She knew his distaste for what he considered frivolous events and decided he would probably be happier using his time for what he considered more productive purposes.

Akane chatted and made her rounds at the party. There were so many Nerima citizens she had not seen in so long and there was barely any time to take a breath before she saw someone else she needed to catch up with. She tried to steer the conversations away from Rori, but there were many who had yet to offer her sympathy.

"I'm so sorry, Akane," one stated.

"Oh, you're young yet. You'll have others." A well-meaning elderly woman had told her.

"You have my prayers," came another reassurance.

"She's watching from heaven," another said.

"I know how you feel," a pampered old friend of Kasumi's stated, a girl that had lost nothing more than a chipped nail in her life.

Akane shrugged, trying to take all the good intentioned and some of the misguided comments in stride; she had heard them all before. There was nothing to be done about it, but there were so many people touching her, brushing by her, droning and droning on to her. For a moment, no one spoke but simply walked past her as she stood in the center of the room, and the loneliness was unbearable. She felt herself hyperventilate and the room, the people, and the lights, whirled around her as though she stood in the center of a highway.

_Stop thinking and breathe._

_I need something to focus on. . ._

And there it was. Kasumi with a happy flush to her cheeks as Doctor Tofu handed her a bouquet of orange lilies. Kasumi breathed in the scent of the flowers bashfully, and Akane noted the sweat on Dr. Tofu's forehead. He wiped it off with a handkerchief and tossed it back into his pocket as Kasumi smiled. Apparently, Kasumi had missed the family practitioner after he had moved even though she had never given any indication of it, but with Kasumi you had to read in between the vacant smiles.

Akane breathing softened and she pulled her tears back. She tried to shake the loneliness, even brushing an invisible something from her shoulder, but even in a crowd it was there. Despite watching Kasumi's well deserved happiness with a satisfaction rooted in her stomach, she knew she was different from everyone else there. She alone knew the darkness and complication of losing something so essential and heart-shaping. Well, everyone with the exception of Ranma. She craned her head, looking for him, and spotted him in a corner of the dojo. He looked as though he was in a half-hearted conversation with Ryoga and appeared a tad bored with it all.

The tinkling of a glass captured Akane's attention, "Everyone, everyone!" All eyes shifted towards the front of the dojo. Nodoka stood with a champagne glass in her hand and smiled, "We're all here to celebrate Kasumi on her birthday. So let's offer up a toast to this blessed girl that makes helping her family her utmost joy and makes everyone's life a little brighter with her friendship and smile. To Kasumi!"

Everyone turned to a blushing Kasumi and raised a mix of glasses and plastic cups in her honor. The crowd began to sing Happy Birthday. A girlish shrill came out above the rest of the voices, a three year old that was trying to sing the song louder than the rest crowd from her father's raised arms. Akane recognized the father as one of Kasumi's old schoolmates. The tiny girl forgot several of the words but made up for it with her exuberance. At the end of her off-key rendition of the traditional song, the father lowered the girl down while the she flung her arms around his neck. A woman appeared from behind the man, obviously his wife, and gave them both a warming hug.

Akane's breath hitched in the back of her throat at the scene of the happy family. A complete family. Her heart took a queer half beat and she knew she needed to get out of the dojo. She checked around the room for an escapeand from the corner of her eye she saw Ranma quickly making his way out of the dojo door. She knew; Ranma had seen it too.

She walked out the dojo and stepped into the fresh air. She took a large breath of it and went to look for Ranma. She found him at the farthest corner of the backyard, leaning against the fence and looking up into the foggy night.

"Hey," she greeted lightly.

"Hey."

The two of them stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say next. It was not often that the two of them were away from their silent apartment, and the difference in environments put them both at discomfort.

"Good party," Ranma offered. He looked away.

Akane studied him before speaking, "You don't have to pretend."

"What?"

"You don't have to pretend it's okay."

He looked at her then, into her eyes, and stayed that way for what seemed ages. It was an odd feeling to be so close and to actually feel the proximity so heavily. Most times, there was a distance, even when sleeping, laying within inches of each other. Ranma looked at her with eyes that were all stained-glass facets of pain, confusion, and perhaps a tinge of hope. She rested her hand on the small of his back, meaning to stroke the curvature there but her courage failed her. Looking into his eyes, his once confident but now tragic eyes, she understood what he needed to hear.

"I know."

He regarded her with weariness and shied away from her a bit. He had no clue how he should respond and chose to say nothing.

"I saw it. It knocked the wind out of me too."

He was silent but looked at her, measuring her intentions. She looked as though her courage was failing as much as his, and he realized that she did not leave the party just to comfort him. Akane too needed to get out.

"When I see parents with kids," he spoke softly, "sometimes it tears me up. I can't handle it."

Akane's eyes watered, "When I see families, I see what I don't get to have all over again." She looked at the ground, kicked up some dirt, and shifted her focus anywhere else.

Ranma said nothing but took her wrist and flipped it over, looking as though he wanted to see through her flesh and right down to her pulse. Akane thought for a second that he might kiss her wrist but he did not. Instead he flattened her hand and placed his other hand over hers, effectively sandwiching her cold hand. There was nothing grand in the action, but as he continued to stare at the light pressure existing between the fleshes of their hands Akane knew it was enough for them both.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

He dreamt.

_Rori was inside the dojo, a tiny slip of a girl, but she had a pointed, defiant chin. He stood behind her and positioned her hand for a quick punch. She frowned in thought and bit her lip, trying to focus on her stance and the arrangement of her arms. He whispered encouragement in her ears and shaped her strong but small fingers into an appropriate fist. He moved around to watch her. He was not sure yet, but he was positive she inherited his skill and her mother's strength._

_She punched outwards and grinned expectantly, hoping for praise. He grinned back, basking in the beauty and assuredness of his daughter. She had her mother's smile, he had hoped for that, his eyes, his mother's chin, and the silky straight ink- black hair of Akane's mother. Her hair was tied with ribbon into a long ponytail and she shook her head to the side, trying to get a strand of hair out of her eyes. Rori looked just as she had as a newborn with the same delicateness in her face and a brightness that her five years of living added to her person. _

_She was . . . enchanting._

"_Try it again, Rori."_

"_Yes, Daddy," she replied with a voice full of silver._

He woke up.

Ryoga stood over him, and apparently kicked his foot to wake him, "C'mon let's spar. I'm leaving town soon, and I could use the practice before I go."

"I'm not in the mood."

He hated being woken up from the good dreams, the dreams where Rori lived. They came as often as the nightmares now, at least with these he imagined her at two, and three, and five, and ten, and sixteen, but for some reason he could never see her past sixteen. She was always a girl in the dreams, never an adult, but in this dream world she lived and that was the important thing. Still, waking up to remember the reality was bruising down to the bone but he could not wish the dreams away.

"Never thought I'd see the day."

"Oh, shut up."

Ryoga sighed, "Well, then I'll ask you this. Do you want to talk about why you've lost your edge and speed?" Ranma made a grunt to object but Ryoga shushed him with a hand. "I've watched you practice. You've lost your focus."

"Like I'd talk to you about anything," Ranma snarled.

"Then talk to Akane," Ryoga suggested. "Couldn't hurt." He then shrugged and walked out of the dojo, leaving Ranma to chew on the wisdom.

"You don't know a damn thing!" he hollered at Ryoga's retreating form.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

"Would you like to tell me about it, Akane?"

"Not really." Akane crossed her arms and sunk into the corner of the plaid couch. She had no desire to talk to the university counselor, but she had be referred by a professor with sharp eyes that knew her history and had caught her staring aimlessly multiple times, hearing nothing when she should have been taking notes.

"Then I'll tell you what I know. I know you've lost your daughter six months ago, and I know that three of your teachers have complained that you aren't paying attention in class." The female counselor spoke matter-of-factly but softly.

"My grades are good," Akane stated flatly.

"I know, but all those concerned felt it would be good for you to speak to me." Akane turned away from the counselors infuriating sympathetic gaze. "I don't want you to feel like you need to be on the defensive or that I'm going to force you to speak to me, but I'm here to listen." Then the woman smiled warmly, openly, "And nothing you say in this room is ever going to leave this room. I took an oath."

Akane sighed and felt resigned. The world had ganged up on her.

"What do you want to know?"

"What do you want to tell me?"

"Things hurt. It never stops. I keep going and sometimes it hurts less, but it won't go away." She offered the basics of her emotions, skimming the top for the fat of it, but offered nothing more.

"If you don't mind me asking, can you put a name to what you're feeling?"

"I don't know." She thought about it, "Sadness, hurt, loneliness." She looked down at her hand, staring at the lines and blue paths of the veins underneath her skin.

The counselor smiled slightly in encouragement, "Is there anything more you could tell me about those specific feelings?"

And it continued, beginning with curt explanations but as the hour passed the counselor was friendly and listened so sincerely without judgment that Akane felt her muscles slacken. She began to offer information willingly, speaking on end about her guilt, about hating to be pressured to talk about Rori, about her lack of appetite, about the judgment others passed on her, the sleepless nights, her decrease in energy and interest in the world, how she hated visiting her father's home because she wanted to weep along with him, and her fear of forgetting how it felt when she cuddled Rori in her arms. And the counselor simply listened.

"Akane, I hate to interrupt but our hour is almost up and there is one question I really want to ask."

"Okay."

"You haven't talked about your husband. How is he doing?"

"He seems okay." At the questioning gaze from the counselor, she felt as though she should offer a little more, "We don't really talk about it."

"Why not?"

Akane felt the edges around her swirl and curve as the wetness at her eyes formed, "I thought we might a few weeks ago at my sister's birthday party, but we didn't and now it's just the same. We can't talk about it."

"Why?" The woman handed her the box of tissues.

"We've never been good at communicating. It got better after we admitted that we liked each other, but everything was so complicated. Ranma's not one for talking, and we're just so different."

"So start now. Rori's death should connect you not separate you."

Akane began to blubber tearfully, "It's not that simple. Our relationship was so difficult. It was an arranged marriage. You should probably know that. But we fought it so long before we realized we loved each other. Then we were pressured to get married so young. We haven't even been married two years yet, but we wanted to make our parents happy and we did love each other so we went on ahead. And there was a plan, but then there was Rori and all this happened. Now, she's gone and we can't even talk to each other. I tried a few times but he shut me down and now I don't even want to try anymore. We just keep on going and ignore each other or we have these stupid little fights. And I don't have the energy to fix it. I just don't. " Akane stopped, slightly horrified at her outburst, but felt like something stuck to her insides had loosened.

"Are you happy like this?"

"No."

"Then I need you to answer this question honestly. Can you keep going on like this?"

"No," the tears began to fall. It felt terrible to think it, to admit it, but that was the truth. The thought of continuing their marriage with the dark silence between them, rolling it out into each hour, day, month, lifetime, choked her.

"Then you need to decide if the problems are worth fixing." The woman paused, regarding Akane with an empathetic eye. "Are they worth fixing, Akane?"

Akane inhaled and could not push the air into her lungs. She thought of the day he saved her life at Jusenkyo, the day when he swallowed his pride and admitted he needed her at his side, the day they stood side by side and pledged they would be together until death, how after their wedding he gently touched the magnolia she placed in her hair, their first night together, and her love for him. Then she thought of the day he rejected her.

"_I don't work like you do, Akane. Your way isn't mine."_

She thought of the stony silences, the stupid spats, and the way he ignored her and stayed at the dojo all hours. She thought of the horrific day when he went out of his way to be hurtful for no reason, when he asked her what she had done to go into an early labor. He apologized repeatedly afterwards and she too had said hurtful things on her bad days, but nothing like that.

_How could he ask me that? _

Then she marveled at how anything could put a ripple and quake in her love for him. Never would she have believed it could come to this, but this was not about love. This was about their inability to live together and connect, and she finally answered.

"I don't' know."

And what frightened her, made her make an involuntary sob, and struck her to her heart, was that she spoke the honest truth.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

Sorry for the wait but here it is. Now let me give credit where credit is due. Kudos to all reviewers. All of you are absolutely wonderful and beyond words, and I love all criticisms (I need them), suggestions, and praise. Thanks for pointing out my apparent inability to catch grammatical and spacing errors. I'm notoriously bad at catching my own mistakes despite revising chapters multiple, multiple times. I just can't. It's bad. If anyone wants to offer to be a beta reader I would be thrilled. Not that anyone should or would but if you're interested just mention it in the reviews, and I'll be more than happy to revise any story that person posts. I'm fabulous at proofreading other people's stuff, just not my own.

Anyway, enjoy the story, please review if you wish (I am positively mad about them, in the good way), and feel free to leave flames, constructive criticisms, or whatever you wish. And please remember that this story does deal with grief and death and that Ranma's and Akane's behaviors and words stem directly from that since that is realistically what happens. It is not my intention to villainify either of them.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The date loomed over them. The twelfth of August. To pinpoint it more precisely 10:14 p.m. on the twelfth of August. It was coming. They knew it by the sensations in their marrow just like some could predict the weather by the amount of rheumatism in their bones. It was the shadow that brushed against their shoulders, the tingling in their eardrums, the numbness in their fingers, and the nibbling sensation at the lining of their stomach.

It was coming and with it bore memories.

_Akane leaned over the incubator and looked down at her newborn. It looked like she was all bones and ribs with nothing but translucent flesh to cover her skeleton. Wires were attached to her veins and ran up her nose. Her breathing was done for her since that was too tall an order just yet, and it hurt to listen to the whooshing sound of the ventilator. Akane tried to forget that she still was not allowed to hold her daughter even after two days, not that she really had much strength left in her frame to lift anything after her difficult labor._

"_If you get better," Akane promised, "I'll take you home. It's not very big, but the room in my heart makes up for it."_

And still more remembrances.

"_I'll teach you everything I know, but only if you want to."_

_Rori turned her head at the sound of his voice and regarded him with the expanding blueness of her eyes._

"_But I know you'll want to. I can tell these things. And I promise it won't be like it was for me. I won't take you away from your Mom. And I won't be cruel or mean like Pop was."_

_Ranma followed the old routine and put the plastic glove on his hand before reaching into the side of the incubator. He stroked his thumb along her cheek and chin._

"_I'll do right by you, Rori. I promise."_

And it carried the terrible, heart sickening memories too.

"_Ranma?"_

"_Yeah?"_

_Akane buried her head into his arm, trying to keep from crying as they watched the physician take their baby's cold body away. They knew where she would be stored, the temporary casket of the morgue._

"_She never saw the outside. Her whole life was here."_

_They moved and clung to each other, arms and bodies melding together, because that was the only thing that provided any balance as their world melted away._

Rori's birthday was coming and the only gift it carried was a second baptism of pain.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o _

"How are you doing, Akane?" her counselor, Dr. Iwata, asked.

"It's been rough. You know with Rori's birthday next week and all." Akane felt the familiar throbbing of tears at her eyes, like a familiar friend. "She would've turned one."

"I know," the doctor acknowledged sadly. "What's been rough?"

"It's like it was at the beginning. I cry all the time, the thought of food makes me sick, I can't stop thinking about her, and everything seems like it's just too much. I broke into tears when I was signing up for my classes. The woman at the desk looked at me like I was crazy."

Dr. Iwata tucked her thick black hair behind her ears and shared her brand of reassurance, "That's normal. It happens all the time with people who've experienced a loss. It's a reaction to her birthday. It's okay to feel that way, and it doesn't mean you've lost your way. It's just that Rori's birthday is bound to be an emotional time."

Akane buried her face in her hands, "It won't always be like this?"

"No, Akane, it won't always like this," she guaranteed in a voice coated with sympathy. "But let me ask you this. Have you planned anything for that day?"

"Planned something?"

"Something to honor her. Maybe a dinner in her honor, or you could have everyone you know light a candle for her, or even release some balloons at the time she was born. Or you could donate money to a charity in her name."

"I hadn't thought about it."

"I suggest you plan something, and get Ranma involved. This may be just what he needs."

"Knowing him, he won't," Akane grunted.

"Have you tried to reach him lately?"

Akane shook her head, both dislodging the swelling in her throat and answering the counselor's question, "I tried a few weeks ago, but we just argued."

"Has it been that bad?"

"Worse. We're either arguing or ignoring each other." She sighed, a bone-weary sigh. "I'm so sick of it. I can't try anymore. I'm too tired."

Things were worsening by the day and she knew they both had changed, grown separately to the point that they could not see past the others face. When the marriage was good, she could read Ranma clearly and knew his thoughts, reinterpreted his words, and possessed a connection with him beyond description. Nowadays, all that was like dust and it seemed to blow away with little more than a breath.

She tried to rub the weariness from her eyes, "I don't have the energy."

She remembered the time she dragged him with her to the counselor's office with much pleading, prodding, and nagging. He came, but the entire time he looked sullen and only answered the counselor's words and questions with grumbles. After a while, he stood up after telling Akane and Dr. Iwata precisely what he thought of the session and left, slamming the door behind him.

"_This is all bullshit. Maybe the two of you think that talking fixes everything but it doesn't. I'm strong enough not to need this." He pointed a finger at Akane. "Remember that, Akane, before you try and yank me down here again."_

"Give him another try," Dr. Iwata prodded, tenderly.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

Planning the dinner kept her mind occupied. She obsessed over what food to serve, a mixture of Ranma's and her own mother's favorites, the lighting, and the invitations. Kasumi cooked the meal, Nabiki funded the small gathering, and she planned it down to the last detail. The Tendos, Saotomes, and Dr. Tofu would eat, share memories of Rori, and then walk out to the koi pond and light a floating candle, finishing with a silent prayer. She had every detail outlined and categorized in her mind with such care, but her mistake was not in the details. It was in inviting Ranma.

He sat crossly at the end of the table, as far from Akane and his mother as possible, and glared at everyone, mentally challenging them to speak. Between Akane's urgings and his mother's demands, they managed to drag him to this idiocy. He ate his food slowly, exaggerating every bite, to make sure Akane didn't miss his anger. They all watched him between bites, silent and uncomfortable, feeling the tension that sparked in the air. The minutes spread thin, and Akane sat afraid to ask anyone to mention Rori for fear that Ranma would bolt.

"Does anyone want more food?" Kasumi offered.

"I want to leave," Ranma spat in Akane's direction.

"You promised," she hissed in return.

Ranma slammed his eating utensils down on the table, "I said I'd come. I didn't say I'd sit here forever."

Akane fumed silently and the growing pressure in her head throbbed. There was no answer for his stubbornness. She stared at her plate, offering no response.

He frowned, "Fine, I'm leaving." He pulled himself up and turned his back to leave.

"Son?" Nodoka began.

"Sorry, Mom, but this is stupid!" He walked away, slamming the front door shut with a thud that echoed through the kitchen.

Akane pounced up, fueled by her anger and unsure of what she would say, but there were words biting the end of her tongue and this time he would hear them. She ran out the door and watched as Ranma walked into the dojo. She followed.

"Ranma!" she yelled, slamming the sliding door shut behind her.

"What?" he challenged immediately.

"Quit being an ass and come back!"

"No."

"Why not?"

"'Cause it's ridiculous."

"Not to me, Ranma!" she whispered, angrily. "Why can't you just give me this?"

"You think this is going to fix things, but it's not." he ground out. "And I've told you before. I don't need help."

"It would if you let it! Of course it's not going to do any good if you keep shutting things out!"

"You go back. I'll stay here." he stated, turning his back on her.

"At least I'm doing something with her memory." Akane heaved an angry tinted breath, "I'm trying. That's more than I can say for you."

"What's that mean?" He whipped around quickly enough.

"It means you're disappearing. I don't know where you are, but you're not here and you won't let anyone in."

"What about you?" he jeered. "You cry all the time and you've made her room a sick shrine. You're the one who won't let go."

Akane bit the side of her cheek hard. Tears came to the front of her eyes, and she had no retort prepared.

"You're lecturing me, but you're no better than your Dad."

"Stop," she whispered. It hurt; those words. She strived to be different from her father, to continue living, really living, after her loss.

"No!" he bellowed. "You know nothing! You drag me here when you know I don't want to come 'cause you think it will make you feel better. This isn't about Rori. It's about you."

"That's not true," she mumbled, "I just want to help."

"It's not helping when the person doesn't want it." He pointed to his chest, "I don't want your help, Akane."

"Now you're just trying to hurt me because you're angry." Her voice hitched, but her expression was sure, "You're mad and you want to punish me."

"That's not what this is about," he clenched his fists.

"Then tell me. What's this about?"

Ranma ignored her mournful face and hardened his heart, "It's about you forcing me to do things. Give me room!"

"All we've done is give each other room! We don't even talk anymore. We don't talk at all!"

"That's not the point."

"It is the point! You've given up on everything! You've closed yourself off and nobody can reach you. Why are you doing this?"

"Shut up, Akane," Ranma roared. "You think you've got it all figured out, but you're wrong."

"I'm not!"

"You're damn wrong. You have no idea how wrong!"

Akane curled her fists at her side and narrowed her glare, "Why do you have to be so hateful? This isn't just about dinner. Tell me why you're acting like this!"

"Leave it alone," he demanded in a low, dangerous voice, a voice her reserved for his enemies.

"No!" she stomped her foot.

"Fine," Ranma said, his voice near sizzling. "You want to know why I've given up. I want to know why you gave up."

Akane frowned, confusion rinsing away the fury in her face, "What?"

"You gave up first!" he bellowed.

"Oh really?" she mocked. "How did I give up first?"

"You gave up on her."

"Take that back, Ranma! I never gave up on Rori! I prayed my heart out everyday!" She was mystified, confused, and offended by his heartless accusation, and she knew it showed all over her.

"You did! You told the doctor to not try anymore treatments." He was breathing heavily as though he just finished a prolonged battle, "You gave up." His words were firm and definite, and there was no denying their meaning.

"Oh," Akane gasped, letting out air like she had been punched square in the gut. "You think . . . . you think . . ." She could not finish.

"You wanted to know," he replied quietly, the fight gone out of him.

She nodded her head slowly, "I see."

They stood there with nothing else to say. Akane looked at the floor, shame holding her gaze downwards. He spoke the truth; she had told them to let her go, to quit drawing out her pain filled life. This was why he spoke to her like she was nothing to him and why he must hate her.

"Akane?"

She moved her head slowly to meet his question and looked at him with water pricked eyes. For some reason, the tears could not fall; they were frozen on her lashes. He saw this and knew he had struck her deep, scraping at her soul, and she stood before him now mortified, tarnished, destroyed.

"I don't know what to say," she murmured. "I'm sorry, but that's not close to good enough is it?"

"I'm going to go," he replied clumsily.

He walked away, wanting to say something to smooth things a bit, but words were not his strong suit and knowing Akane she wanted to be alone.

She nodded and returned to the kitchen. Everyone watched her as she walked into the room; Kasumi with tears in her eyes, Genma and Soun gracious enough to pretend they had heard nothing, Nabiki with a drained expression, Dr. Tofu with his face compassionate and one arm around Kasumi, and Nodoka shaking her head sadly.

"You heard all that didn't you?"

No one could lie.

"Thanks for coming," she spoke softly, stealthily wiping away the tears that still refused to drop. "I really appreciate it, but I think I'm just going to go home now."

"Akane?" Kasumi questioned, asking her countless motherly questions with just one word.

She smoothed out her dress and tucked her hair behind her ears, as though looking more presentable would prove she was all right, "I'm okay. Really I am."

She then walked out the door and with no other coherent thought in her brain than making it home

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_.

The moon hung low in the early evening and a gray cast loomed across the sky. The apartment was still, dark, and silent. Akane sat in the corner of her and Ranma's bedroom in her mother's worn rocking chair, looking at the sky and thinking of nothing but the silence that consumed her home.

And she waited.

When Ranma came, he entered softly, perhaps an involuntary habit from his martial arts training or either an attempt to not shatter any more boundaries with Akane. In the weeks to come, she would think of this moment and wonder why he chose that second to be careful and considerate. He closed the door slowly without sound, padded down the hallway, and came into the bedroom without turning the light on but tonight he did not need it. The moon shed a sufficient glow, and despite taking in a swift visual sweep of the room and noting nothing of importance something bit at his nerves.

"Hi, Ranma," Akane said softly. It was a tired greeting, one pregnant with remorse and fatigue.

"Hey."

"Things didn't go so well tonight. I planned it all out but it wasn't what I thought it should be. I shouldn't have done it at all."

"No, Akane," he sighed, "it was . . .nice."

She rocked gently in the chair, "Then I shouldn't have made you come. I knew you didn't want to, but I kept pushing."

"I didn't mean what I said." He sat on the bed, sunk into the comfort of it, and wiped his face with his shaking hands.

"Which part?"

"All of it."

"I know, Ranma," she assured him.

And neither or them said anything, could say anything, because for the first time in having known each other first as an unknown fiancée, then brief enemies, then friends, then as husband and wife, they knew that everything had been said.

There was nothing more. No wells of emotions left or unanswered questions or even angry words. It all had been said tonight; every grievance, regret, harsh word, and sadness. Everything had been covered, rehashed, spoken, yelled, or communicated. No verb or noun was left unturned, no body language ignored, and no facial expression not emoted.

Ranma lifted his head and watched as Akane's arm fell on a rectangular shadow. It took a second for his brain to process the shape into what it truly was, a suitcase.

She caressed the old luggage with her fingertips, "I thought maybe I should leave for a little bit. Thought we could use some space."

He was quiet, confused by her decision.

"I've made arrangements for a while. It'll give me some time to think."

"You're going home?"

"No, that wouldn't work. You're at the dojo all the time so I made a deal with Nabiki. I'm renting a place on campus for a while."

"So that's it? It's over?" He wanted to summon up more emotion, show her that he was concerned, but there was nothing to tap into and he feared that his insides dried up.

"I didn't say that," Akane disagreed softly, "but we need some time away. I can't be here anymore. It's killing me, Ranma. I can't reach you and I can barely help myself" Her voice cracked and a trickle of emotion seeped through her wall.

Ranma scrutinized her back, studied her wearily, "Is this a trick? Are you trying to get me to tell you to stay 'cause I can't."

"No."

"I think that I want to tell you to stay, but I'm just too tired, Akane."

"It's okay. I don't think I'd stay even if you asked."

"I should go. I'll go on a training trip for a while."

"The plans are made, besides Nerima is your home too. You shouldn't have to leave town because of my decision."

They were quiet for a bit, neither moving or breathing too loudly, afraid to break the moment. Their first moment of agreement in a long while.

"Ranma?"

"Huh?"

Akane turned her head, her eyes stricken with tears, "Do you remember what we said right before we got married?"

He was stunned by the question, "No."

Akane smiled, bitterly; he never had a good memory. "We said that no matter what, if someone tried to tear us apart we'd go down swinging."

Ranma looked at her bewildered, unsure of what to say.

She laughed shortly, ruefully, "Not exactly swinging are we?"

"No we aren't," he agreed in hushed tones.

"Do you think if we waited like we wanted to, waited until we were older, would it have worked? Or would we still be like this? "

"I don't know, Akane. Maybe."

"But we never were good at talking were we? Maybe we shouldn't have let them push us into a wedding, but if we didn't there wouldn't be Rori. And she was worth it."

And with that Akane picked up her suitcase and walked out the door, leaving a bone tired Ranma with nothing on his hands but endless thoughts and memories.

_Memories of Rori . . . . . memories of Akane . . . . . ._

"_Why are you looking at me like that?"_

_Ranma sighed, his face ruddy, "I'm not looking at you like anything."_

"_Yes you are," Akane argued, biting her lip in thought. "I've never seen you look like that before."_

_He leaned against the frame of her door and crossed his arms as he watched her fold her clothes, packing them into a plastic tub. She carefully folded each piece of clothing, smoothing out all wrinkles, and placed it in the giant tub that sat on her bed. Watching her made his stomach churn._

"_You're imagining things."_

"_No, I'm not. Why are you in here watching me anyway? You could help you know." She continued to add clothing to the tub._

_Ranma entered the room and took an empty box from against the wall. He frowned and tossed it roughly onto her bed and opened her bedside table, throwing everything in the drawer into the box. _

_She grabbed the box and with swiftness pulled it out of his reach, "What are you doing? You can't just toss stuff in. You could break something!" Her annoyance with him was growing by the second._

"_You asked me to help. I'm helping." he growled._

"_Then help me fold the clothes," she threw a pile of laundered shirts to him._

_They folded clothes in quiet while Ranma shot Akane contemptuous glances and Akane ignored him. Ranma grunted and mumbled under his breath occasionally, letting her know in spades his disgust. His efforts only added to Akane's attempts to ignore his entire existence. The routine went on for nearly thirty minutes before Akane broke down._

"_If you want to say something, Ranma, just say it before I get mad."_

"_I don't have anything to say," he responded flippantly._

"_Then knock it off," she retorted._

_Ranma clenched his fists, sick of her and the situation, "Why are you leaving?"_

"_The university in Nagasaki gave me a full scholarship and the university here didn't. That's why." She answered cooly, seemingly bored of the whole state of affairs._

"_No other reason?"_

"_No other reason."_

"_You're not trying to get away?"_

"_Get away from what?"_

_The quick banter ceased and Ranma chewed on his words, "I don't know. All the mess."_

"_The fiancées?"_

"_Yeah." _

_Akane sighed, "Maybe, a little bit." She stopped at the look on Ranma's face. "I know it's not all your fault, Ranma, and I'm not blaming you, but maybe things here would be better if I went away for a while. Besides the school has a martial arts program and you're always telling me how I need to improve. Now I can."_

_Ranma said nothing but began to fold the clothes more quickly, not folding as much as wadding them._

"_Stop it. Everything is going to be wrinkled when I get there." _

_Akane reached over and grabbed the shirt he was lumping, but Ranma refused to let go. For a bit they played tug of war with it, each sending evil looks and curses to their counterpart._

"_Dammit, Akane, let go. I'm helping!"_

"_No you're not. You're just trying to make me mad!"_

_Finally Akane let go, and sat back with satisfaction for a second when fabric snapped him in the face._

"_This is stupid," Ranma barked._

"_I know you're not happy about me moving, but I have a life to live and I can't do it here. What did you think would happen? " she hollered back._

_He froze, unable to answer her question. He never thought too far ahead especially when it came to Akane, but never had he considered this. To be separate from her. The thought of her miles and miles away unnerved him. If she were to be hurt, if someone tried to kidnap her there, if he started having the dreams again and he couldn't run down the hall to make sure she was still there . . ._

"_Besides it's not like you've said anything!"_

"_I don't care if you go."_

"_Then quit acting like it!"_

_Akane turned away and sat on her bed. She continued to fold clothes on her lap, too frustrated to look at Ranma. Ranma conversely, shocked by those too accurate words of hers, folded the clothes gently. His face softened as her stared at the smooth curve of her back._

"_It's just far," he admitted._

_Akane turned and looked at him, smiling lightly, "So you do care?" _

_He sat on the bed, his back to her, and turned his head. He looked at her, really looked, and noticed the yellow shirt she wore, her short fingernails, the wisp of hair that stuck to her face, the tiny freckles around her nose, the graceful line of her arm, the slight dimple in her left cheek, her pointed chin, and those long eyelashes of hers. _

"_I. . .I . .. I. ." he twiddled his fingers and let out a long, low groan._

"_Don't kill yourself there," she sighed, placing her fingers on his shoulder. She had noticed the way his eyes took her in, studied her. _

"_No. I just . . . It's hard, you know."_

"_Don't force it," she said with such patience. "I'll wait."_

_Her hand still rested on his shoulder and he moved his own to cover it. The fear receded a bit, washed back by her subtle acceptance, and for a second it did not bite at him with its ferocity. And he finally told the truth._

"_You're the only one I'd wait for."_

Ranma's head sunk between his knees; he was so tired, too much so to have these memories. But that is where it all began, the first time he singled her out above the rest. She did go away to the university, stayed for a semester, but things had already progressed too far for them to be separated for long. Damn, how he missed her and now he was there again, but Rori added a shading in his heart.

He wondered how something so vital to him could be cut from him without his feeling anything. Numbness. That was all there was left. Ranma felt an uncontrolled tremor in his left hand and sunk into the comfort of the bed, physically and mentally frozen in the depths of the mattress. He tossed the comforter over his head, shutting out all moonlight.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

I wanted to share with you guys why I'm writing this story. I thought about not mentioning it, but this story was born from and so tied to real life. About a year ago a cousin of mine who has such a giving heart lost his infant daughter to SIDS. He fell asleep while rocking her to sleep and when he woke up in the morning she had passed on. An autopsy showed no signs of accidental smothering, but I cannot imagine how he must have felt. This story is in no way a biography of what happened to him (he and his wife and five year old daughter dealt with it in the privacy of their home) and are still married and happy, but I wrote this to understand and maybe give myself a small bit of meaning to what happened.

Sorry for the lengthy time between updates. I'm finishing my last semester of grad school and my Masters thesis so time between updates may be a little stretched, but I promise I'll finish. Thanks again for all the reviews. You guys have no idea how uplifting, inspiring, and thought provoking they are. Next chapter I promise I'll recognize everyone who has reviewed so far and comment on them, but I'm afraid I'm short on time. Blame my Theory professor and her difficult assignments!

Please, please remember I am not trying to make Ranma or Akane into hateful small people and that all their words and actions come from grief. This chapter is pretty heavy, but when I sat down to write it this is what came out. So please enjoy.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The grill sizzled and spat while Ukyo shifted the okonomiyaki to keep it from burning. She looked over to the figure that sat parallel to her and smiled wryly at him. He looked pathetic, but like clockwork he showed up at least once a day, usually mealtimes.

"You're lucky I have a no charging old friends policy," she chided gently.

"If not I'd starve," he said and then grinned a little shame-facedly. "Thanks."

She loved that grin; had not been too long since she was in love with his easy-going, lackadaisical smile. When he told her he chose Akane, she wanted to pack up and leave Nerima. After all, he was the reason she came and opened shop, and without him any grounds for staying were gone. She had stormed away from him, leaving him speechless, and ran up the stairs to her overhead loft, immediately tossing out suitcases and throwing clothes in them. Then, she thought of the little corner store where she bought all of her ingredients, the bookstore two blocks away, the cracked sidewalk that led to her restaurant, and her favorite antique store. She loved those too. These places, things made the nomadic life lose its sheen so she stayed.

"How long has it been now?"

"Three weeks."

"Don't you miss her?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Just a bit?"

He scowled, "Isn't that done yet? My stomach is killing me."

"In a minute. Hold your horses, Ranma."

He looked expectantly at his food, his stomach in his eyes, "You can't ask for more than this. A good friend and a good meal."

"Maybe to have the good wife back?" she prodded. As much as she loathed admitting it, seeing Ranma's and Akane's love gave her hope for her own romantic future. She would not have that hope squashed by their stubbornness.

"You're not going to stop about that are you?" he glowered.

She flipped the spatula underneath the okonomiyaki, flipped it up and onto his waiting plate, and gave him a sardonic grin, "Nope."

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o _

The smell of wakame soup drifted through the kitchen. Kasumi tended the stove while Akane relaxed at the table with her Management textbook. A breeze drifted through the window, cooling the steaming kitchen a bit.

"Akane?"

"Hm?" Akane lifted her eyes from her schoolbook and looked over the corner where Kasumi stood. Kasumi looked pensive, her hands wringing the wooden stirring spoon.

"I want to tell you something, but I don't want to upset you."

"What is it, Kasumi?" She frowned.

"News. Good news."

She bit her lip and hesitated, "Then tell me."

"You know Dr. Tofu has been visiting Nerima more often, and we've been spending some time together?" She continued breathlessly, "We enjoy being together, Akane, and he proposed. He asked Father's permission and everything."

"Oh," Akane replied. Her mind was numb for a stray second and then her thoughtstraveled backwards to a moment when she received a proposal of her own; when Ranma looked at her with singularly focused eyes and asked if she would stay by him always.

"I said yes."

She banished thoughts of Ranma from her mind. This moment had no place them.

"This is what I've been hoping for, Kasumi." She bounced up and wrapped her arms tightly around her sister. "It's about time you did something for yourself. Don't think I didn't realize everything that you did for me. Besides you and Dr. Tofu had to happen. He's been in love with you for years."

"Really? I was so worried. I was afraid it would hurt you, and I know things have been tough with Ranma. The very last thing I'd want is to hurt you, Akane. The wedding can wait until things work out and until then . . ."

"Of course not. Don't change any plans because of me. You've taken care of Nabiki and me forever, and put all your plans on hold for us." Akane interuppted."You deserve this and I couldn't be happier for you."

Then Kasumi smiled, a brilliant beautiful expression, one that could only be worn when one's plans and dreams come to fruition. They sat at the table, giggling and talking about the proposal and wedding plans. Kasumi sighed contentedly, before returning back to her meal preparations and Akane returned to her schoolbook.

"Akane?"

She briefly wondered why she ever brought homework with her when she came for dinner, "Yeah?" She never made any progress onher heaps of school work.

"He misses you."

"Did he say anything?" She stared down at her book as though it were showing her some intense magic.

"No, but I can tell."

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

The market nearly buzzed with activity. Adults were studying the prices of the fruit and produce while kids darted from booth to booth. Ranma frowned. He hated grocery shopping, but since Akane moved out someone had to keep the pantry stocked and with his stomach it was generally safer. The shopping itself was not horrible apart from for the crowds. He hated the throngs of loud people, constantly bumping against and running in front of him, but what could one expect growing up away from civilization.

He gathered only the essentials, bread, cheese, eggs, and some fruit. He could live off the bare minimum between his meals at Ukyo's and Shampoo's restaurants. Still, eating at the Cat Café wasn't safe anymore. As soon as Shampoo caught wind of his and Akane's separation, she was caressing, rubbing, and trying to kiss her way back into his life. Then, there were the fights with Mousse over Shampoo's reignited interest. Ranma sighed at the thought.

Ranma picked a peach from the fruit he bought and took a juicy bite from it just as a hurried woman bumped into his side. She walked on, ignoring him completely. He followed her with a sour gaze before turning back to the main stretch of shops. Then the unexpected.

_Akane . . ._

Akane licked her ice cream cone, enjoying the afternoon off from her studies. Her friends Shizuka and Minoru invited her to grab a bite to eat and catch an afternoon movie. Minoru suggested grabbing some dessert to cap off the end of a perfect vacation day from their studies and treated both girls to some ice cream.

It had been a wonderful afternoon, the best since that horrible fight with Ranma. It was nice to shed her unhappiness, even if it was only for a few hours, and to be surrounded by people that did not remind her of the sadness. She was able to laugh today, truly laugh, and it let a little delight back into her heart. She had missed this, being young, going out with college friends, getting to explore the city.

Minoru tapped her shoulder, asking her a quick question, and smiled down at her. Shizuka caught the action and smiled gently to herself. Akane knew exactly what her friend was thinking; she had guessed at it too. Minoru had a crush on her. He never said anything and he knew she was married, but he also knew the marriage was unhappy. Akane knew he would never make a move unless she sent a clear signal, but he had been there for her in the last four weeks, been there in a way Ranma had not. She smiled back at him.

"Akane?"

"Hm?" Akane turned to Shizuka, curious at her high-pitched tone.

"Isn't that. . ." She pointed straight forward.

_Ranma . . ._

He stood in the road, a bag of fruit hanging limply at his side and eyes wide in what she guessed was surprise.

"Could you guys give me a minute?"

Minoru studied Ranma intently before speaking, "We'll be over at the vegetable stand. Just call if you need us."

Ranma watched the two of them walk away with a stony face before looking back to Akane. They stood for a moment, at least ten feet away from one another, tongue-tied and unsure. He looked at her so steadily that she straightened her shoulders, trying to look composed.

She walked towards him, "Hey."

"Hey."

"I didn't know you'd be here," she fumbled for words. "I didn't know you shopped here I mean."

"Sometimes."

"I never really come here. I'm just taking a day off from school stuff."

"Who're they?" Ranma pointed to Shizuka and Minoru who happened to be peeking over his left shoulder.

"Just friends from school. They invited me out so I went."

Ranma nodded, but offered nothing more.

"You doing okay?" she prompted.

"I'm okay. You?" His cheeks were a bit flushed.

"Busy with school but okay."

"Good."

"And classes at the dojo?"

"Good. Roka's starting to show some off his potential."

Akane smiled genuinely in satisfaction, "I told you he'd come along."

"Actually you yelled. We got in a fight over it." Ranma replied, smirking a bit.

"Well, I knew I was right. I can spot talent too!"

"I know," Ranma agreed. He paused, not knowing what he should say. He shoved his hands into his pockets, "So what do you think of Kasumi's news?"

"I'm happy for her. I think I always expected her and Dr. Tofu to end up together. It's just right, you know?"

"Yeah."

Akane frowned; his face was stone and there were no lines or flicker in his features to read. She twisted the end of her hair and looked away. This was ridiculous, like they were gawky teenagers again, unable to fashion their thoughts into words.

"I guess I need to be going. I'm glad . . ." she halted. She looked towards her friends who were pretending to be disinterested in the conversation, studying some onions a little too closely. "It's good to see you, Ranma," she finished lamely.

"Yeah, I need to finish up here," he gestured awkwardly to the shops. "I'll see you around?"

"I might stop by the apartment."

"Where are you staying on campus?"

"The Hashi dorm. I told you that."

Ranma glowered, "No, you didn't. I had no idea where you were at."

"Sorry. I thought you knew."

He kicked up some dust with his foot, "I should've asked Kasumi." He thenlooked away from her, embarrassment coloring his cheeks. "By the way, where are the pictures of Rori?"

"I took them with me," she replied, entirely flustered. "You didn't want to look at them after . . ." she swallowed the lump of those words.

"Oh, no problem I just wondered."

"No, I'll bring them by." She felt a bit ashamed that she did not ask him before she took the photos, but she couldn't have left them. They were her physical proof that Rori existed, her reminder and heartbeat.

"Then I'll see you around I guess." He turned away from her with no further goodbye and walked down the street.

"Bye!" she yelled.

He turned and lifted his hand briefly before he passed Shizuka and Minoru. Ranma looked at Minoru, passing something through the quick glance, a warning perhaps or maybe just curiosity. Whatever it was, it was not decipherable but she felt her breath hitch and a subtle tremor in her chest.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

Ranma started out of the tangle of his bed sheets. He breathed heavily and scanned the room quickly, taking in the shadows that played along the wall. It was the damned dream again. His heart slowed, and got out of bed to warm some milk. This routine was common nowadays, and warmed milk helped him to relax and summon sleepiness back to his mind and limbs.

He padded to the kitchen in the darkness. Ranma moved out of habit, grabbing the milk and pan with his eyes half shut. The dreams had taken a darker turn. Rori called out to him, begging and pleading for him to do something to fix her. She was still beautiful, a perfect blend of him and Akane, but her exquisite face crumpled with tears. He wanted so badly to wipe them away, to make her happy and whole. To return her to where she belonged, Akane's empty arms.

He had the darker dreams before Akane left, but then he could roll over and see her beside him. Never could he bring himself to tell her the dreams or to touch her, but to know that she was there was something. It gave him strength. He did not realize that until after she walked out.

He navigated his way to the refrigerator, pulled out the milk, and began the regular practice. Ranma sighed and ran his hand through his already ruffled hair. Things were complicated. He missed Akane's presence, her subtle and still a bit unskilled way of caring for him, but her departure gave him freedom. No longer did he worry about forcing himself to speak to her, or worry about Akane finding him pouring over Rori's belongings, or even dealing with Akane's moments of weakness. He hated to admit it, but when she left relief flooded his heart.

"Damn it," he whispered. "I'm too tired to think."

He longed to leave Nerima, at least temporarily, but he had the dojo to run and the Tendo and Saotome clans depended on the revenue. And, the thought of returning to Nerima and not having Akane to tenderly take his hand, smile, and then wink at him when he returned was a disappointing idea. Even more heartrending, he always longed to return from a training trip to have his wife and daughter welcome him home.

And now, that wish atrophied and was whittled away by the sharp ends of the two missing pieces of that want.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

Akane looked out the window, wishing for an escape, diversion, earthquake, anything. She had come at Nodoka's invite, but her mother-in-law had yet to show. Genma sat at the table, regarding her coolly. She did not even bother to explain. To him, she needed to be the quintessential martial artist's wife, caring, strong, silent, and able to swallow hardship and personal pain. In his mind, she had no business leaving Ranma for any reason.

She sighed, sick of the silence, "Mr. Saotome, can I ask you a favor?"

"What?" His tone was flat.

"I know you don't like me very much right now, but the favor isn't for me. It's for Ranma." She straightened her skirt and spoke plainly, "He's hurting right now and won't let anybody help, but it's your opinion and acceptance he wants the most. I know it is. He'd never admit it, but it's true. I know you've been hard on him since Rori, and you need to stop. Telling him to toughen up isn't helping."

She stopped and tried to gather Genma's reaction to her words. He stared at the table.

"Whether Ranma and I work out our problems or not, I want you to stop. After what you put him through all in the name of the art, you owe him that much."

"Is that all?"

"That's all." She tilted her chin proudly.

Genma left the room, not bothering to spare her a glance on his way out. Akane shifted awkwardly; a bit afraid she had gone too far. She always did that, spoke first and then regretted her brashness.

"Hello," Nodoka called from the doorway. "Sorry I'm late. I was helping Kasumi plan the dinner for the wedding."

"That's fine."

Nodoka dropped the stack of cookbooks she held and settled into a sitting position on the floor, "You're wondering why I asked you to come."

Akane nodded in affirmation.

"I wanted to talk to you about Ranma."

"What about him?" she asked weakly, playing with her hands.

"I want nothing but your and his happiness. He's not happy, dear one. It's gotten worse since you left."

"He looked okay when I saw him," Akane reasoned.

Nodoka frowned, "He told me about that. He said you looked happy, that you had new friends. A male friend."

"No," Akane sputtered, "I have male friends, but not like that. I wouldn't do anything like that." She tripped over her own tongue, "What did he tell you?"

"I didn't mean to insinuate anything, but he wouldn't tell me anything other than you found new friends."

"I know you're trying to help, but I can't force things between me and him," she felt attacked and struggled to keep from blushing. Akane kept her voice even, "I tried, but we have problems. Big ones. Things that started way before Rori. We both have tempers and we can't talk to each other. We're both stubborn."

"But you can learn. You both can, together."

"Auntie, I don't want to disrespect you, but when Ranma and I married we did it because we were pushed. We were too young, we both knew it, but we went along with it. We weren't ready and Rori just proved it." Akane paused, tears filling her eyes, "We were so mean to each other. I don't think either one of us cared if we hurt each other because we were so hurt ourselves. After all that, I don't think there is a whole lot left to fix." Akane bit her lip, berating herself for her gush of information that truthfully was not any of Nodoka's business. "Sorry about all of that," she apologized, "I've just had a lot of time to think things out."

Nodoka sighed, "Do you miss him?"

"Yeah."

"Do you still love him?"

Akane looked at Nodoka squarely, "You know I do."

"Then I don't understand why both of you are so willing to throw that away," Nodoka spoke sternly. "If you want to fix things, start there. Take time to heal, but realize that tossing love away nothing more than foolishness."

Nodoka stood and exited the room, probably to find the bruised Genma. Akane grabbed her bag and left the Saotome home, her pride and feelings battered by the lecture. It was not as though Ranma were banging down her door to win her back. Things were different now, their problems deeper and actions punctuated by despair, and family pressure would not solve it. Still, knowing what Ranma felt in her absence would be nice. She wondered if he really noticed she was gone and whether he wanted her by his side, in his home, and in his bed. It had been over a month now and he showed no signs of longing or yearning in the market.

No, their problems weren't simply going to right themselves no matter how much their families pushed and prodded, and that was just the way it was.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o_

And that was just the way it was.

Nodoka pushed Ranma while Genma kept unusually silent, Soun would hint of a reconciliation on occasion, Nabiki offered nothing on the subject but did visit Akane in the dorm frequently, Kasumi kept slipping Ranma's name into casual conversation amidst wedding preparations, and it made no difference. Neither made any move to mend fences, take back harsh words, offer apologies, try to explain actions or motives, or seek to help the other. And all the while, time continued to tick and tock.

Time passed slowly for them both as though someone was halting its temporal flow, structuring a dam to stall it's lapsing.

To Ranma, time stretched out his movements, made him slow and took away his focus. It continued to numb him, making each daily activity more difficult. A pressure sprouted in his chest, continued to grow, until in carved out a niche close to his heart. The weight of it, expanded making his limbs heavy and his mind slow. Until some days all he could think of was her.

_Rori, Rori, Rori . . . . _

Thought about her small breaths, her tiny fingers, and her bright soul until it ate away at all other thoughts, leaving one nagging thought left to bite at his heart.

_I need help. Somebody please help._

He could never ask. His pride. Akane might have helped. She had pulled herself together. When he saw her that day in the market she looked happy and full of life with that boy. He grumbled darkly afterwards, wondering how she could put everything behind her so easily and take up with someone new, but he vaguely remembered moments when she presented him with offers of assistance. Now, that chance was beyond his reach, and he continued reassuring himself that he was strong. He was the greatest martial artist of his generation and had proved that fact ten times over. So he repeated the simple mantra in his head again and again.

_I don't need anyone._

To Akane, time was filled with activities aimed to distract. She spent time with college friends, went to the movies, shopped, ordered out of her dorm room, worked part time, did homework, and did all the other college things she gave up after marrying Ranma. She did have fun, but brimming outside her occupied mind were thoughts of Rori and Ranma.

Over math homework she thought, _Is he doing okay?_

During a study session with Minoru she thought, _The date of her death is soon and it still hurts like new._

During a pizza break with Shizuka, Yuka, and Sayuri she thought, _I miss you, Rori._

She looked out her dorm window, resting her head against her arms. Minoru had been more attentive lately, knowing that the anniversary of Rori's death was less than a month away. Even the Yuka and Sayuri would remind Akane just how sweet, understanding, funny, and cute in a scruffy sort of way Minoru was. And even now, he did not push or ask questions. He was just there, silently making himself someone she could depend on and trust.

And still. . . . .

Things were not right. The world did not seem right, but it kept on rotating, forcing time to weave its path slowly.

_o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o _

Sorry it has taken me so long to update. My life is in a state of flux right now and everything is crazy, but I promise that I'll finish the story. I wish I had the time to name all of my reviewers by name and thank you all for you comments like I promised, but I don't. Once things settle down, I definitely will thank you all one by one. But please know that Iadore and appreciate everyone who reviews and I really do take all your suggestions and thoughts to heart.

I hope this chapter is worth the wait. I've written bits and pieces whenever I had time and then rewritten and deleted good portions of it and then at one point completely restarted the whole thing. This was the toughest chapter to write and it's still full of gloom and doom. There will be light amongst the darkness, that I can promise. So I hope it was worth the read and please review because I am crazy for them.


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